The day had gone gray without our noticing. The wind had picked up. We’d been bobbing in ocean waves when one got rowdy and dunked her. Caught off guard, she came up sputtering when another smacked her face squarely. As quick as two blinks, we'd gone from delighted to terrified. “Stop!” she cried, her eyes…
I didn’t have to hear him say it, though he said it often. I knew my father loved me because of the little things--he came to my ballet and piano recitals, and he acted like he liked them. He taught me how to tell time and to write a check and to save money. I…
I’ve spent a lot of years trying hard to be a good wife. I’ve cared for our kids, cleaned our home, cooked meals, washed laundry, tended the garden. But I kept seeing my husband’s frown. The harder I tried, the sadder he got. A person scurrying around and getting work done misses a lot. She’s…
She sat slumped with closed eyes, and with every breath, she slumped further. I sat down beside her. When her torso was nearly horizontal over what should have been her legs, she jerked up and started over, like a weighted metal bird, pecking grubs in your garden. Fascinated, I watched closely, trying to figure out…
At the foot of Lookout Mountain last week, I followed the posted detour and found more than spectacular spring scenery to distract me. I found a large rock inches from the one lane road I was driving on, and it vaulted me up and over so that the sky tilted wonky in my windshield. …
She came to me teary-eyed, confessing, "I'm distracted by everything in my room, Mommy. I can't do my schoolwork. I can't get my chores done." Middle daughter, Sadie, age 8, was unable to get herself together. Normally, I was the whip crackin,' homeschoolin’ mama, but her tears took the scolding right off of my tongue.…
If plants could talk, this is the one I’d listen to. It thrives where other plants have died. No matter where I put it, it acts like this is the best seat in the house. Whether near a window or not, whether a little water or a lot, it flourishes. I’ve got five staghorn ferns,…
We went to a local park to splash in a spectacular, new fountain. Its concentric circles rose and fell unpredictably. For a two-year-old, it was delightful. Stone played happily along the edges where the fountains were mildest. When he grew tired of those, he moved closer to the middle, running in and out and pulling…
My first job after college was teaching high school English in a rural town in north Georgia. I loved every piece of my job, except for one thing: I had a student the same age I was. Due to Susan’s flunking multiple years before I got there and my graduating early from college, both of…
My heart sinks. I can't help it. Some of the book of Numbers is boring, and here it is again this morning. I look at my calendar: I've got 15 mores days before I get to Deuteronomy. Yesterday, I felt the same way, like I was grabbing my pickaxe and heading to the salt mine.…
He’s been a science nerd since he began walking and first pulled a field guide off the shelf for me to read. Which is why Oak and I have plans to go to a science museum today. Tomorrow is his 12th birthday and this is our day to celebrate it. He’s the grandchild who always…
My math skills ran out in about the 7th grade. Don’t tell the state of Georgia, but when it came to anything after algebra, homeschooling my kids was a risky business, a case of the-blind-leading-the-blind. But we were champs in reading and writing, learning history, doing science. Somehow they muddled through well enough to go…
It put me to sleep. I tried doing it at night, but I couldn’t stay awake. I did it in the morning, but I found myself cat-napping. I’ve read the Bible off-and-on my whole life, but it looked a heckuva lot more like sleeping than reading. The Bible was just plain boring. But I never…
I’ve had a checkered past with pets. I’ve forgotten them and still been rewarded with a wagging tail or purring rub when I remembered. I’ve ignored playing with them and been greeted as a long lost friend. I’ve plotted to get rid of them and been licked at the shelter where I left them. I…
They came shrieking and bawling up the basement steps. The words were unintelligible, but their meaning was obvious—little grandboys will not tolerate a basement with the lights off. I’d been helping one of them in an upstairs bathroom and missed what was happening, until it erupted from the nether regions and came pouring through the…
I’ve got a system going with my local grand boys. I buy snacks and drinks for them and stash them. They get them by coming over, giving me a hug, and hanging out a while. Hawk just stopped by to say hi with his friend, Ivan. Actually, they came in for cake and a canned…
“Let me get this straight, mom. You’d rather spend the evening cleaning out our old closet and dealing with our stuff than coming here and hanging out with us? Tell me you’re kidding.” Cody, our son, just didn’t get it. This closet held memories of our five kids over 30 years—trophies and treasures, photos…
I confess--I’m proud of my shoulders. So proud, in fact, that I thought I needed to talk to God about them, so last summer I did. I was afraid God might zap them to humble me. Sure enough, he has. I had a run in with my son’s dog while riding my bike after Thanksgiving and wrenched…
When she’s with us, the room feels kinder and safer somehow. Sadie is our middle child who has a middle's nature. She comes into town, gathers our family together, and makes sure we all feel loved and supported. Her demeanor is joyful, her words affirming. But she’s only human, and now that she has two little…
He ate dog food for breakfast. He fell in the creek. He got lost. Stone had a lot of freedoms at age 3 that he regularly enjoyed as the largely unsupervised youngest of our five children. One brisk October morning, he experienced all of these things without shoes, socks, or jacket. The rest…
I had to clean it out just to get inside it. My closet held too many clothes from too many years, so last month I tossed and pitched, and this month I hired a stylist to tell me what I needed. I’m hoping I’ll save money in the long run, because I won’t keep buying…
When we picked them up, our daughter cried in the back seat, while our son talked 90-miles-an-hour. These two had their wisdom teeth taken out at the same time on the same day. They’d been given the same anesthesia and pain meds, too. But they had completely different responses—she sobbed, while he was hyped. Stone…
Growing up, I dreamed of getting married and having children—three boys and two girls. I lined up my dolls in chairs and taught them, pretending they were my kids. I wrote in more journals than I ever kept up with. I tried to see my future husband as blonde, but the vision always held a…
His dog knocked his phone to the floor, and he leaned over to pick it up. It was then when he ended up on the shoulder of the other lane, having knocked himself silly, slamming the guardrail. Our son totaled his car coming up the mountain last week on a slip-slidey day when there was ice…
Friends come and go; kids grow up and leave home; styles are in then out; money is made and lost; houses are bought and sold; collections gather dust; age creeps in; hobbies lose interest; looks go; health fails; a spouse dies. Yikes. If your purpose in life is hardwired to any of these things, it's…
I didn't hear a cry of "Freedom!" when my grandsons pointed out two plastic cups in their father's cubby, but when I saw them, I knew that's what they'd say if they had voices. Our son was invited by his friend to enjoy their family trip to Hilton Head Island every spring through high school. The…
I hate to wait. When the stakes are high--for an important relationship or for your ship to come in--what do you do with all the longing and hoping? To cope, you can tell yourself that what you want doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. It hurts too much to keep asking, so you…
He only thrashed and cried harder. When one of my grand babies couldn’t fall asleep for an overdue nap, I picked him up and held him tight. He was even more unhappy, and I wondered about my strategy. But I held on harder and spoke soothing words and began singing softly with my head next to his. …
“Years ago, I was engaged to someone else—planned a wedding, had a ring, the whole 9. It ended on December 19th for reasons that don't matter anymore. Calling off a wedding and undoing my dream plans at Christmas felt like an epic fake-out during ‘the most wonderful time of the year.’ It stung for a…
There was some mis-communication about Christmas. I was left with the work of the meals and their clean up, and I feel certain that’s not what was intended. Regardless, it’s what happened. The misery of feeling abandoned and unappreciated threatened to suck the joy right out of the day, but I was determined not to…
Diets, workouts, weighing in. Raw veggies ad-nauseum. One January, I just couldn’t face it again, mainly because it wasn’t working, but also because it felt like prison. I couldn’t live in grim, determined deprivation. I liked me too much. So I gave up. I stopped trying to control my weight, and I started trusting my body…
It’s become the thing we talk about every time I see them. My grandboys' questions come rapid fire when they walk in the door, "What does the ship look like, Ma'am?...Show me the map where we’ll stay!...Can I watch the video again?" I had no idea that booking a cruise with the oldest three for this…
Our youngest son is an athlete who's always been "at the right place, at the right time." The tournament winning free throw in middle school? That was Stone, who could barely manage a layup. The Tennessee state soccer tourney winning goal in high school? That was Stone, who'd missed nearly the whole season because of…
Have you noticed how a baby pulls out the best in us--the affection, the care, the willing sacrifice of sleep, not to mention the dollars? And have you noticed how a baby schemes to “have it made” like this? Me neither. A baby just rests and trusts. He gurgles and burps. She coos and smiles. And all their needs…
I'd have been better off lying around the house getting fat. But I pushed myself instead. I wanted to be the poster girl for getting back to normal after my knee replacement. I was going to be first in my PT class for getting the farthest bend, first to put in the most minutes on the stationary bike,…
My mother drove me to school the first day of first grade. She pointed out the route we took, because she wanted me to learn it, so I could ride my bike to school everyday unless it rained. "Here's the turn by Greg Collett’s house...You'll go through this stop sign and onto the sidewalk on the…
A little girl got so caught up in the happily-ever-after ending of a movie, that when it was over, she stood on her seat and shouted with feeling to the rest of the audience, "Candy for everybody!” She had no candy, but she pantomimed throwing it anyway, as if she were the princess in a…
When I was growing up, my father managed the New York Life office in Montgomery, Alabama. I had very little idea of what that meant except that I got brand new pencils every time we stopped by. When I asked why I could always get another box, he said, “Well, because they’re all mine, they’re…
Our son just came by. He brought the suit he wore for his friend's wedding that needs cleaning, and the phone I loaned him when his was lost. I'd rounded up a few things he'd left behind at Christmas, and I had the new work pants he needed. He grabbed some allergy medicine he doesn't want to…
The weight of an unread year hangs heavy in January. Even after 100 reads in my Yearly Bible, there will still be most of the year ahead. It’s the way I feel after Christmas when everyone leaves. There’s all this food in the fridge, and I’m the only leftover eater here. A little help? My favorite day,…
With a New Year right around the corner, and Instagram offering a new diet or workout every time I open it, and my bathroom scale blowing up since Thanksgiving, I'm wondering all over again how I lost 75 pounds 23 years ago and kept it off. What did I do? I ask myself again for the…
The way I complained, you'd think the list was much longer, but growing up I only had to do three things: empty the dishwasher, set the table, and pick up rocks. Picking up rocks wasn't really all there was to it. Because our lot had been a local dump before we built on it, every Saturday I…
When I was little and first learning to read, I came across the book, If Jesus Came to My House. I was captivated by the idea that I could entertain Jesus in my very own bedroom, serving him tea and playing with him. The illustrations showed various scenes of how I might be kind to…
Daddy was 6'4" and admitted to weighing 250, but who really knew? What I knew was that he was larger than life--certainly bigger than anybody else's father. He could be demanding, like when he grew impatient at a restaurant and marched us to the car, just as the food was coming out of the kitchen. He could…
Candlelight, wine and roses, chocolate, good health, white teeth, kindness, knowledge, muscles. If you listen to the media, you’ll come up with plenty of ideas for what it is you need in order to kindle passion. But what is it that calls forth the best you have to offer, and in having it, makes you…
When she was little, Josie Love couldn't wait to get through a movie to see the wedding at the end. Whether it was The Little Mermaid or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, it didn't matter what the story actually was. What she wanted was to hear the “I do’s.” God's like our daughter. What he wants is the…
Our son's home has been plagued by plumbing trouble. Twice, his family has had to abandon ship and come here to escape the stink. Both times, a plumber came and faithfully worked on the issue that no amount of money could pay him enough to do. He's gotta be part saint along with full-time plumber. Which has…
One of my strong, football playing sons took his teddy with him when he went off to college, and he wasn’t one bit embarrassed about it. Maggie was a lovey he didn’t want to live without just yet. When he was little he’d learned a real way to feel safe. He’d seen a scary movie…
Our daughter loves to give gifts. She loves it so much, she has trouble waiting until a child’s birthday or Christmas to give them. She often gives early, because she can’t wait to enjoy them, too—the lit up faces, the delight, the laughter. It’s been a little problem to then find more gifts to actually…
Oak and his brothers are coming over later. As soon as he walks in the front door, I know what he'll say, "What are we doing today, Ma’am?" The others will hug me and look around at the lights and ornaments, but Oakie will want to know first if there's a plan in place, and if…
Susan was my best friend growing up. She lived across the street, and she was younger than I was by a whopping 8 months. Lording it over her was my secret pleasure. When she played at my house, I made clear boundaries—no, she couldn’t play with Lena since she’d nibbled off her thumb. She could…
We've got a son who makes plans on the fly. He might say he's coming out to chop firewood or blow leaves, but if something better comes along, his plans here are toast. We used to get upset. After all, we wanted to count on him and what he said to us. But we've learned…
My grandsons pour over the Amazon catalog that comes in November. They each choose a different color marker and go to town marking it. One of them spent every special day we had in November, circling and re-circling his choices. He made such a mess of it, he finally started over with a different color.…
After Daddy retired, he got softer. Not only his skin, but his voice, his schedule, his stride, his smile. We started calling him The Old Softy. I loved him more then, and maybe for the first time. I saw a side of him I hadn’t seen before. He started calling to ask about the kids…
Ezra's lovey was a stuffed gray kitty I bought for him when he was tiny. He grew to love it so desperately, he had to have it everywhere he went. It started preschool when Ez did. It came with us when we had outings. But there was a night when Meow-Meow couldn't be found. Kate…
I’ve been putting it off. Our kids and their families will be with us for Christmas, and while I’m eager to have them, I have to admit, buying gifts makes me dread it a little. Christmas is everywhere I look, but I haven’t done the first thing about it here. The older I get, the…
A teacher once asked her Sunday School class, “What do you have to do to be saved?” The kids looked around. Surely someone would say it: “be good” was the obvious answer...or something about Jesus. “Sin!” hollered the little boy in the back, and everybody laughed. Trying hard to be good doesn’t get you to…
Sam and Jack are teenaged brothers, who help me do the yard work at church. Sam is meticulous and focuses on details, while Jack sees the big picture and gets a lot done quickly. The first time they came, Sam spent the whole two hours weeding and digging and cutting back briars in one small…
Darlin’, our Miniature Australian Shepherd, is tiny and really toy-sized. Maybe that’s why she has issues. She nips at strangers, usually an unprotected calf when no one’s paying attention. I’ve tried to break her of it but have reconciled with the fact that her breed is territorial by nature, and she thinks she’s protecting us.…
Random fires have broken out. The drought has been frightening. I've dreamed that our yard and house have caught fire. I've prayed a lot. Now it's raining in earnest as I write. Why has God delayed fall rains? I have no idea. But it's comforted me to remember that as long as the earth remains,…
Recycling, clean eating, self-care, global warming, bullies storming...the list is unending of the issues that need tending. Not to mention the people who need helping, the pets that need petting, the weeds that need pulling, the halls that need decking. It's overwhelming when I write just these little snippets. Where do we start the day?…
Judy wasn't buying it. She asked why I write this blog but don’t include anything personal. I said it was because I want to share what I’m learning from the Bible, not make it all about me. "Be vulnerable," she said. "See what happens." I’d been talking to her about the fact that only one…
When he was little, my brother Chuck had a habit of writing on the walls. Our mother was savvy and knew better than to confront him directly. She simply explained the problem as she saw it. "Oh, my! Someone is coming in and writing on our walls again!" she lamented. In a stroke of brilliance,…
We had a signal when the kids were little. All they had to do to tell me to stay or to go was to give me a look. One look was enough to say the party sucks and they’re not staying, or that camp is cool and please leave right this minute. The thing about…
The mama-in-me wants my people to get along. Squabbling over the TV or the menu or who-said-what-and-how brings me down. I want to push a magic "do-over button" that rewinds us to where we were before the trouble got started, to hold up signs that say "abort" when somebody gets too close to somebody else's…
I gave myself permission to eat donuts a few years back. I'd been struggling with my weight and nothing helped. The harder I tried to lose, the fatter I got. In desperation, I stopped saying no to everything and started saying, "yes, you can have it, do you really want it?” Which included the freedom…
My husband makes a "snackin' turkey" for us to eat while we wait for the main meal. Sometimes it's all I eat on Thanksgiving, since the leftovers taste better later, anyway. After cooking all morning, that may be alI I can manage today. There will be so much food, it’ll be overwhelming. I’m wanting to…
I spent yesterday with childhood friends at a celebration-of-life service for their sister, who died suddenly. I was reminded all over again of this race we’re all running, and the fact that we don’t know how much longer we’ve got before it’s over. I’m feeling my own mortality. There’s so much I still want…
I spent a week planning exactly how to ask Daddy for the $2.50 raise I wanted. My current allowance was $3.00, so I was asking for it to be nearly doubled. This was not an easy-ask: my father was thrify. But ask I did, and low and behold, he granted it. I was dumbfounded. I…
I’ve got a friend who’s always sending pet videos because she’s an animal lover, not so much because I am. I’ve seen a cat diligently nesting and hatching chicken eggs and then sticking around to help raise them, a dog dive in water to save a floundering kitten, another dog gently putting a fish back…
We've had no rain. It's been an unprecedented drought on Lookout Mountain. I watered the yard for a while but finally gave up--even after hours of watering, my gardens look hopeless. Random fires have broken out all around us. A week ago, my friend Sarah had fire come around three sides of her house.…
We weren’t sure we were ready, but we went ahead anyway. The adoption attorney we’d worked with to adopt Josie Love had another birthmother interested in us who’d picked us out of a file of prospective parents. She was eager to meet us, so we went. She was giddy from the get go—so sure of…
My college roomies are two of my besties. One is named Eve, too, which created a stir all when we both transferred to our tiny college the same semester. The-Other-Eve heads up a children's ministry in Belarus, a nation war torn and impoverished at present. Her on-location activity there has had to be suspended, but…
Stone is a lover deep down. He's 23 and the youngest of our five kids, and he tries to cover up his secret with bravado and macho. But I know him. As a young child, no matter how awful he got and how much awfuller I became--since I was the parent, that was my job--he…
I beat all the girls and boys except for one in my sixth grade class sprint on the Bear School playground. The one I didn't beat was *Charlie Trotman, the quarterback for Gordy-Babcock’s team. Coming in second in that race had me high for days. I think it was then when running got hold of…
With Thanksgiving around the corner, I had to have a heart-to-heart talk with my mind and body. I keep needing to remember how I lost more than half my body weight 23 years ago and kept it off. The truth is, I didn’t do it. I couldn’t. I’d tried to lose for years, but the…
The pastor of the church where I went growing up preached long, strong sermons with big words. I knew they were good sermons, because my father breathed deep and my mother dabbed her eyelids. But I didn't understand a word, and I didn't like him much. One day as we were shaking hands on our…
A newborn is oohed and ahhed over for lots of good reasons, but one of the biggest is the anticipation of what's ahead: his first words, her first steps—the forts he’ll build, the trips she’ll take. There's all this joy surrounding his birth; so much wonder and hope for her future. He's God's promise of…
I’ve been wanting to write a book most of my life, but I haven’t known what to write about. And while I’ve been waiting and wondering, I’ve written courses about writing and taught them, from kindergarten through college. My students’ ages have varied, but the theme for the past 40 years has been the same.…
Two-year-old Ransom doesn't do time. Whenever I say I'm coming to see him, he expects me to walk in the door that same minute. If his family is getting ready for a day at the park, nevermind grabbing the snacks or stroller: he wants to go now. Waiting doesn't make sense to him. It doesn’t…
No one made room for him, save the one who yelled, amidst hay and manure, blood and smells. And she prepared nothing, except to accept-- turns out was enough, she opened herself. The womb that bore him and the heart that said yes were filled with a Savior, to rule and to bless. "Prepare the…
It's been a long day. I’m waiting to meet grandboy #8, and I'm wondering why I'm willing to fight the reconstruction around the building and hospital food and this hard chair, simply to meet a little fella who won't recognize me or me, him, who can't squeal like his older brother, "Ma'am's here!”, who's helpless…
We had a little tension over Thanksgiving. The charcuterie board my daughter-in-law brought for us to enjoy while the turkey cooked turned out to be a charcuterie countertop. It was massive, taking up the whole bar peninsula. And it was impressive. There were exotic cheeses and dips I’d never heard of along with the more…
Mama understood better than I did. There were things I'd ask to do growing up, like smoking or staying up all night, and she'd say, "Go ahead. Do it. I'm guessing you won't like it, but it's up to you." Welcoming mistakes as a strategy for parenting is counterintuitive. But it shouldn't be. The best…
My brother had emergency surgery recently to remove an infected aortic aneurysm. I drove to Florida after, because I wanted to help with his recovery. But once there, I realized the real reason I went was so I could be with him. Seeing my brother alive and moving was relieving. We almost lost him. I…
Lovey lives under the porch. He's a rescue kitty with luxurious fur, out-of-place on the bare dirt in the dark where the scorpions and skinks are. I've given up trying to make him comfortable elsewhere, like in a cozy cat bed on the wicker chair or with Mr. Tumnus in the garage. Lovey likes to…
I woke up with a nagging feeling that I'm not doing something I should be doing, as if what's wrong between us is up to me. I've been studying this issue for quite some time, and the only thing I'm sure of is that whatever’s causing it, I'm unable to figure it out, let alone…
I kept three of my grandboys Labor Day weekend while their parents were out of town. We had constipation, leg cramps, a hard kick in an intimate place, a couple of seismic meltdowns, and at bedtime, "just one more drink" issues to boot. To top it off, first one and then another came down with…
A girls' trip for six of my besties to the beach is in the works for September, and I've been assigned the job of designing our t-shirt. I've been moody ever since: I hate making personal style choices for anybody but myself. Four artist daughters have cured me of any delusions of my own good…
I love to eat. And I've learned something over the years that's probably obvious to everybody else, but it was big news to me: food only tastes good when I'm hungry. If I'm not, it's just filler. It doesn't zing me. It doesn't set off delight. It doesn't speak. I must've been hungry when I…
Six of our grand-boys are coming here tomorrow for a day together. I've planned some games and stocked up on snacks, even gotten the (awful) "unicorn sparkle" ice cream one of them asked for. It’s been a busy summer, and I haven't had them over as much as I like, so I'm really excited to…
I was in a rush, and I didn't bother to check. I didn't look at my commentary, because I figured I already knew what it said. Since I was writing about God's words and my experience with them, I thought, well, that’s good enough. In my last post, "Feeling Foggy," I said that Paul wrote…
I'm high in the mountains of North Carolina in the cozy vacation home of a generous friend. Seven rocking chairs keep company on the front porch. The view of the surrounding mountains is spectacular, uncluttered by other houses and with millions of trees to see on the peaks, near and far. But today, it's overcast…
It's a rainy day, complete with thunder peels and a jagged lightning flash that sent Darlin' runnin' under the porch. The lights blinked off and on. The next boom rattled the windows and brought Darlin' to the door, begging to come in. A thunderstorm is thrilling. There's rain, of course, and there's noise. But it's…
Jude is the 3-year-old son of the caretakers at church. He's as wide-eyed, tow headed, and openhearted as they come. Jude loves to turn over rocks to see what lives under them. I've struggled to appreciate his bug-hunting, as I'm continually replacing the upturned rocks I find, like those on the stone path to the…
I went to a friend's vacation house in New York once and felt at home the minute I walked onto the porch on the second floor. It wasn't a porch on only part of the second floor. No. The entire second floor was a screened porch, with a 360 view all around and down to…
A white bench next to the keyboard in our church's sanctuary has bothered me for weeks. I've resisted the urge to move it myself, in case it was placed there by the powers-that-be. Why does it matter? Its placement is knocking off the symmetry of a large planted pot, normally in the center of the…
There are a lot of days that I drag my feet to read the Bible. I get sucked into thinking it's on me to figure out what God's written and to write something profound. But when I do, I miss the party. I forget why I’m here in the first place. It’s not about what…
When my mother died, my brothers and I cleaned out her house and divided up all her stuff. There were some things nobody wanted, some things only one or two of us wanted, and some things we had to auction to the highest bidder before we scratched out one another’s eyes over them. An inheritance…
It’s only the second day of Lent and already, I’m wondering how to get through the day without my sugar hack. I’ve been hooked on sugar since I slobbered all over my first candy egg on my first birthday: Easter, 1959. I was practically predestined to love it. If an idol is anything I go…
I Want More 