Sometimes hitting a wall knocks me on my knees. I asked God if he had any ideas. I asked him to confirm if writing is worth my time. No sense in wasting any--I was about to be 59 and the clock was ticking. I told him that if he’d let me be a good enough…
Two-year-old Ransom doesn't do time. Whenever I say I'm coming to see him, he expects me to walk in the door that same minute. If his family is getting ready for a day at the park, nevermind grabbing the snacks or stroller: he wants to go now. Waiting doesn't make sense to him. It doesn’t…
It's been a long day. I’m waiting to meet grandboy #8, and I'm wondering why I'm willing to fight the reconstruction around the building and hospital food and this hard chair, simply to meet a little fella who won't recognize me or me, him, who can't squeal like his older brother, "Ma'am's here!”, who's helpless…
We had a little tension over Thanksgiving. The charcuterie board my daughter-in-law brought for us to enjoy while the turkey cooked turned out to be a charcuterie countertop. It was massive, taking up the whole bar peninsula. And it was impressive. There were exotic cheeses and dips I’d never heard of along with the more…
Mama understood better than I did. There were things I'd ask to do growing up, like smoking or staying up all night, and she'd say, "Go ahead. Do it. I'm guessing you won't like it, but it's up to you." Welcoming mistakes as a strategy for parenting is counterintuitive. But it shouldn't be. The best…
My brother had emergency surgery recently to remove an infected aortic aneurysm. I drove to Florida after, because I wanted to help with his recovery. But once there, I realized the real reason I went was so I could be with him. Seeing my brother alive and moving was relieving. We almost lost him. I…
Lovey lives under the porch. He's a rescue kitty with luxurious fur, out-of-place on the bare dirt in the dark where the scorpions and skinks are. I've given up trying to make him comfortable elsewhere, like in a cozy cat bed on the wicker chair or with Mr. Tumnus in the garage. Lovey likes to…
I woke up with a nagging feeling that I'm not doing something I should be doing, as if what's wrong between us is up to me. I've been studying this issue for quite some time, and the only thing I'm sure of is that whatever’s causing it, I'm unable to figure it out, let alone…
I kept three of my grandboys Labor Day weekend while their parents were out of town. We had constipation, leg cramps, a hard kick in an intimate place, a couple of seismic meltdowns, and at bedtime, "just one more drink" issues to boot. To top it off, first one and then another came down with…
A girls' trip for six of my besties to the beach is in the works for September, and I've been assigned the job of designing our t-shirt. I've been moody ever since: I hate making personal style choices for anybody but myself. Four artist daughters have cured me of any delusions of my own good…
I love to eat. And I've learned something over the years that's probably obvious to everybody else, but it was big news to me: food only tastes good when I'm hungry. If I'm not, it's just filler. It doesn't zing me. It doesn't set off delight. It doesn't speak. I must've been hungry when I…
Six of our grand-boys are coming here tomorrow for a day together. I've planned some games and stocked up on snacks, even gotten the (awful) "unicorn sparkle" ice cream one of them asked for. It’s been a busy summer, and I haven't had them over as much as I like, so I'm really excited to…
I was in a rush, and I didn't bother to check. I didn't look at my commentary, because I figured I already knew what it said. Since I was writing about God's words and my experience with them, I thought, well, that’s good enough. In my last post, "Feeling Foggy," I said that Paul wrote…
I'm high in the mountains of North Carolina in the cozy vacation home of a generous friend. Seven rocking chairs keep company on the front porch. The view of the surrounding mountains is spectacular, uncluttered by other houses and with millions of trees to see on the peaks, near and far. But today, it's overcast…
It's a rainy day, complete with thunder peels and a jagged lightning flash that sent Darlin' runnin' under the porch. The lights blinked off and on. The next boom rattled the windows and brought Darlin' to the door, begging to come in. A thunderstorm is thrilling. There's rain, of course, and there's noise. But it's…
Jude is the 3-year-old son of the caretakers at church. He's as wide-eyed, tow headed, and openhearted as they come. Jude loves to turn over rocks to see what lives under them. I've struggled to appreciate his bug-hunting, as I'm continually replacing the upturned rocks I find, like those on the stone path to the…
I went to a friend's vacation house in New York once and felt at home the minute I walked onto the porch on the second floor. It wasn't a porch on only part of the second floor. No. The entire second floor was a screened porch, with a 360 view all around and down to…
A white bench next to the keyboard in our church's sanctuary has bothered me for weeks. I've resisted the urge to move it myself, in case it was placed there by the powers-that-be. Why does it matter? Its placement is knocking off the symmetry of a large planted pot, normally in the center of the…
There are a lot of days that I drag my feet to read the Bible. I get sucked into thinking it's on me to figure out what God's written and to write something profound. But when I do, I miss the party. I forget why I’m here in the first place. It’s not about what…
When my mother died, my brothers and I cleaned out her house and divided up all her stuff. There were some things nobody wanted, some things only one or two of us wanted, and some things we had to auction to the highest bidder before we scratched out one another’s eyes over them. An inheritance…
It’s only the second day of Lent and already, I’m wondering how to get through the day without my sugar hack. I’ve been hooked on sugar since I slobbered all over my first candy egg on my first birthday: Easter, 1959. I was practically predestined to love it. If an idol is anything I go…
My life with a 21-year-old man-child has its agonies and its ecstasies. Currently, he’s trying to figure life out for himself while being a student, an employee, and the owner of a used car without proper tag or title. He’s African American, and this is Georgia. He also recently lost his wallet. And yesterday, we…
My daughter-in-law has Covid, so I took them supper last night. Three little grandboys were standing behind the glass door when I arrived, talking all at once, big smiles on their faces, eyes flashing, “Hi, Ma’am! I miss you! I love you! What did you bring? Mama has Covid! Papa says we have to keep…
I spent four wonderful, exhausting days caring for three of my grand boys in November. The two days after their parents got back, I shopped and cooked our family’s Thanksgiving dinner, and the day after that, cleaned it all up by myself. I decided to take the next week off and recover, doing nothing before…
When I was in the 8th grade, we moved from Connecticut to a suburb on the preppy side of Chicago, into the same neighborhood as the two most popular girls at school. Their aura went before them, surrounding them in their straight-legged Levis and Crazy Horse shirts, while I lagged behind, worshiping right along with…
I’m writing from my hospital room, post surgery. I’ve had to get ready for a knee replacement for the last several days, and today was the day, coming along a year sooner than I expected. When I got so I couldn’t walk for more than 15 minutes at a time, I realized I had only…
The wind is roaring outside this morning. I love the drama of March weather--sometimes winter, sometimes spring. It's mostly still cold where I am in the north Georgia mountains, but some days breakthrough to warm. It was wild rain and wind, tornadoes and school closings last week, and it was a balmy day planting pots…
My mother didn't coddle whiners. If she thought I was overreacting in a situation, her standard go-to line was, "Keep it up, and I'll give you something to cry about!" My standard go-to complaint was about my brothers wrestling my cat. They’d put a towel over her head and roll her around 'til she was…
When I was eleven, I must have asked my mother too many times for another piece of Halloween candy, because she finally said, "Don't ask me again! I don't care! Eat it all!” And I did, a whole plastic pumpkin full. By the next morning, my tongue was so swollen, I couldn't close my mouth,…
I admire people who are good with numbers, who get excited about balancing a checkbook and counting steps and knowing how many bites are in a bratwurst. I've been numbers-challenged all my life, realizing only recently that the bank can reconcile my account without any help on my part. Who knew? This is something like…
You know that feeling you get when you find the perfect gift for someone you love? You know their likes and dislikes and their bent for certain things. You know that part of the pleasure for them will be knowing you know them so well that you've found this perfect gift in the first place.…
I've never felt as close to God in good times as I have in bad. It's during hard times when I need him that his words have grit and feel most real. I’m learning how to enjoy the fire and storm, because I don’t go through them alone. Leviticus 9-10 Since the Israelites left Egypt,…
My Pilates instructor is big on deep cleansing breaths. I thought it was a lot of hype until I realized in a recent incident how I was taking several and how calm I felt. This is something like the way faith feels. Leviticus 6-7 In these chapters, God gives Moses regulations for the five main…
I'm not a dog lover, but I love our dog, Darlin'. Her favorite thing to do is hang out and feel the feels with us. She never complains, even when we forget to feed her. She's not particular who she's with, and she doesn't ask for much. She likes any kind of attention we give…
"What does God think when he looks at you?" This was a question I read in a book. I began to make a mental list of the things that plague me, the ones God's sure to see and say, "That's gotta go." But then I read what the author said next: what God's consumed with…
Hunting and pecking for clues is only fun if you think they'll add up to something you like. I once created a treasure hunt for my kids that ended up being a bust because the surprise at the end wasn't worth all the fuss it was. Oops. I was afraid that's where I was heading…
Last night, the anxiety was enough to get me out of bed and on my knees. It had crept in during the day as I'd tried to make everyone else OK. But I was really just trying to suck up. I'm beginning to recognize the accuser's voice, whose tell-tale, hard-sell is, "you're messing up," no…
There are things I know I can't look at because of what they do to my heart, which is mainly turn it a greedy shade of green. This proves a connection between my heart and eyes, and is maybe why the words, "Open the eyes of my heart," always grab me. Moses has trouble with…
I Want More 