It's been a long day. I’m waiting to meet grandboy #8, and I'm wondering why I'm willing to fight the reconstruction around the building and hospital food and this hard chair, simply to meet a little fella who won't recognize me or me, him, who can't squeal like his older brother, "Ma'am's here!”, who's helpless…
Mama understood better than I did. There were things I'd ask to do growing up, like smoking or staying up all night, and she'd say, "Go ahead. Do it. I'm guessing you won't like it, but it's up to you." Welcoming mistakes as a strategy for parenting is counterintuitive. But it shouldn't be. The best…
My brother had emergency surgery recently to remove an infected aortic aneurysm. I drove to Florida after, because I wanted to help with his recovery. But once there, I realized the real reason I went was so I could be with him. Seeing my brother alive and moving was relieving. We almost lost him. I…
Lovey lives under the porch. He's a rescue kitty with luxurious fur, out-of-place on the bare dirt in the dark where the scorpions and skinks are. I've given up trying to make him comfortable elsewhere, like in a cozy cat bed on the wicker chair or with Mr. Tumnus in the garage. Lovey likes to…
A girls' trip for six of my besties to the beach is in the works for September, and I've been assigned the job of designing our t-shirt. I've been moody ever since: I hate making personal style choices for anybody but myself. Four artist daughters have cured me of any delusions of my own good…
I love to eat. And I've learned something over the years that's probably obvious to everybody else, but it was big news to me: food only tastes good when I'm hungry. If I'm not, it's just filler. It doesn't zing me. It doesn't set off delight. It doesn't speak. I must've been hungry when I…
Six of our grand-boys are coming here tomorrow for a day together. I've planned some games and stocked up on snacks, even gotten the (awful) "unicorn sparkle" ice cream one of them asked for. It’s been a busy summer, and I haven't had them over as much as I like, so I'm really excited to…
I was in a rush, and I didn't bother to check. I didn't look at my commentary, because I figured I already knew what it said. Since I was writing about God's words and my experience with them, I thought, well, that’s good enough. In my last post, "Feeling Foggy," I said that Paul wrote…
I'm high in the mountains of North Carolina in the cozy vacation home of a generous friend. Seven rocking chairs keep company on the front porch. The view of the surrounding mountains is spectacular, uncluttered by other houses and with millions of trees to see on the peaks, near and far. But today, it's overcast…
It's a rainy day, complete with thunder peels and a jagged lightning flash that sent Darlin' runnin' under the porch. The lights blinked off and on. The next boom rattled the windows and brought Darlin' to the door, begging to come in. A thunderstorm is thrilling. There's rain, of course, and there's noise. But it's…
Jude is the 3-year-old son of the caretakers at church. He's as wide-eyed, tow headed, and openhearted as they come. Jude loves to turn over rocks to see what lives under them. I've struggled to appreciate his bug-hunting, as I'm continually replacing the upturned rocks I find, like those on the stone path to the…
I went to a friend's vacation house in New York once and felt at home the minute I walked onto the porch on the second floor. It wasn't a porch on only part of the second floor. No. The entire second floor was a screened porch, with a 360 view all around and down to…
A white bench next to the keyboard in our church's sanctuary has bothered me for weeks. I've resisted the urge to move it myself, in case it was placed there by the powers-that-be. Why does it matter? Its placement is knocking off the symmetry of a large planted pot, normally in the center of the…
There are a lot of days that I drag my feet to read the Bible. I get sucked into thinking it's on me to figure out what God's written and to write something profound. But when I do, I miss the party. I forget why I’m here in the first place. It’s not about what…
When my mother died, my brothers and I cleaned out her house and divided up all her stuff. There were some things nobody wanted, some things only one or two of us wanted, and some things we had to auction to the highest bidder before we scratched out one another’s eyes over them. An inheritance…
It’s only the second day of Lent and already, I’m wondering how to get through the day without my sugar hack. I’ve been hooked on sugar since I slobbered all over my first candy egg on my first birthday: Easter, 1959. I was practically predestined to love it. If an idol is anything I go…
My life with a 21-year-old man-child has its agonies and its ecstasies. Currently, he’s trying to figure life out for himself while being a student, an employee, and the owner of a used car without proper tag or title. He’s African American, and this is Georgia. He also recently lost his wallet. And yesterday, we…
My daughter-in-law has Covid, so I took them supper last night. Three little grandboys were standing behind the glass door when I arrived, talking all at once, big smiles on their faces, eyes flashing, “Hi, Ma’am! I miss you! I love you! What did you bring? Mama has Covid! Papa says we have to keep…
I spent four wonderful, exhausting days caring for three of my grand boys in November. The two days after their parents got back, I shopped and cooked our family’s Thanksgiving dinner, and the day after that, cleaned it all up by myself. I decided to take the next week off and recover, doing nothing before…
When I was in the 8th grade, we moved from Connecticut to a suburb on the preppy side of Chicago, into the same neighborhood as the two most popular girls at school. Their aura went before them, surrounding them in their straight-legged Levis and Crazy Horse shirts, while I lagged behind, worshiping right along with…
The grandboys who live nearby knocked early this morning. Oak had a new bike and wanted to show me, having handed down his old one to Roan, who rode it wobbly and proudly, just learning to ride a bike this week. “Wanna ride the trails with us?" I'm glad God gets the importance of bike…
I’m writing from my hospital room, post surgery. I’ve had to get ready for a knee replacement for the last several days, and today was the day, coming along a year sooner than I expected. When I got so I couldn’t walk for more than 15 minutes at a time, I realized I had only…
The wind is roaring outside this morning. I love the drama of March weather--sometimes winter, sometimes spring. It's mostly still cold where I am in the north Georgia mountains, but some days breakthrough to warm. It was wild rain and wind, tornadoes and school closings last week, and it was a balmy day planting pots…
My mother didn't coddle whiners. If she thought I was overreacting in a situation, her standard go-to line was, "Keep it up, and I'll give you something to cry about!" My standard go-to complaint was about my brothers wrestling my cat. They’d put a towel over her head and roll her around 'til she was…
When I was eleven, I must have asked my mother too many times for another piece of Halloween candy, because she finally said, "Don't ask me again! I don't care! Eat it all!” And I did, a whole plastic pumpkin full. By the next morning, my tongue was so swollen, I couldn't close my mouth,…
I admire people who are good with numbers, who get excited about balancing a checkbook and counting steps and knowing how many bites are in a bratwurst. I've been numbers-challenged all my life, realizing only recently that the bank can reconcile my account without any help on my part. Who knew? This is something like…
You know that feeling you get when you find the perfect gift for someone you love? You know their likes and dislikes and their bent for certain things. You know that part of the pleasure for them will be knowing you know them so well that you've found this perfect gift in the first place.…
I've never felt as close to God in good times as I have in bad. It's during hard times when I need him that his words have grit and feel most real. I’m learning how to enjoy the fire and storm, because I don’t go through them alone. Leviticus 9-10 Since the Israelites left Egypt,…
My Pilates instructor is big on deep cleansing breaths. I thought it was a lot of hype until I realized in a recent incident how I was taking several and how calm I felt. This is something like the way faith feels. Leviticus 6-7 In these chapters, God gives Moses regulations for the five main…
I'm not a dog lover, but I love our dog, Darlin'. Her favorite thing to do is hang out and feel the feels with us. She never complains, even when we forget to feed her. She's not particular who she's with, and she doesn't ask for much. She likes any kind of attention we give…
"What does God think when he looks at you?" This was a question I read in a book. I began to make a mental list of the things that plague me, the ones God's sure to see and say, "That's gotta go." But then I read what the author said next: what God's consumed with…
Hunting and pecking for clues is only fun if you think they'll add up to something you like. I once created a treasure hunt for my kids that ended up being a bust because the surprise at the end wasn't worth all the fuss it was. Oops. I was afraid that's where I was heading…
Last night, the anxiety was enough to get me out of bed and on my knees. It had crept in during the day as I'd tried to make everyone else OK. But I was really just trying to suck up. I'm beginning to recognize the accuser's voice, whose tell-tale, hard-sell is, "you're messing up," no…
I worry that I'm wasting my time and yours. I worry that I'll never meet my own expectations, not to mention God's. What are his for me anyway? I don't really know. I felt a nudge to begin this blog, but I've wondered lately if I made that up. I keep asking, "God, what do…
I used to cook dinner every night for our family. Because we homeschooled, I fixed breakfast and lunch, too. I wondered why God made us need to eat three times a day, plus snacks. It was hard to stop in the middle of math and make sandwiches. It was harder when little ones wanted to…
It's hard to relax and trust a plan if you don't trust the person who made it. We once got suckered by the promise of a healing week in Denver that cost too much money and left us with more pain. We should have done more research. Today's plan is one that's been around since…
I've wondered about trying to write a novel. But I can never think up a story to tell that's more exciting than the one I'm living, with all its highs and lows. God's stories in the Bible strike me the same way. But his include the kinds of details I’d hide if I were writing…
I'm a recovering workout-a-holic. It started when I lost 75 pounds 20 years ago. It's easy to forget the kindness of God who lead me out of gluttony, and begin to believe it was all me and my hard work. But when I do, the scales creep back up. The truth is, I was fat…
There are times when I look at our family, and I'm really proud of us. And very thankful. But there are other times when I look at us and feel sadness for what I wish were true and isn't. I feel this way when I look at families in the Bible, too, like where are…
I've got a confession to make. I've had to take this post down and start over. Even after revising and revising, I couldn't make the Genesis part float. What went wrong? I wondered. I just retold the story. But something was missing. I think I forgot to look for God's glory. This little ray came…
Inspired by Dude Perfect, a grandson asked if I believed he could bounce a ping pong ball across a row of kitchen stools and into the basket at the end. Did I believe he was able to do it, or did I believe it was simply possible? Turns out, both were true, though truth to…
It's agonizing to care more about another person than they care about themselves. The foolish choices, the difficult consequences, the broken promises. It's tempting to want to bail them out, to renegotiate the boundaries, to try to find a way to set the bar so low they can be successful...until you realize you're enabling their…
A half stick of fresh gum was enough to risk a spanking for. I pushed a kitchen chair over to the black rotary phone on the wall where my father had left gum on top, somehow convincing myself that while he'd said I couldn't have it, maybe what he really meant was that I simply…
I saw a movie last night and cried for the joy in it. It felt like heaven broke through to earth, and I found even more joy when I realized that this movie isn't stirring my heart in-and-of itself, but because it echoes the joy of that Far Country, where we will sing and dance…
My father gave me an ice cream scoop to give my mother for Christmas when I was five. He'd gotten it as a free gift for opening a checking account. I didn't know what the letters on it meant, but I knew how delighted mama looked when she opened it. She never mentioned the "CB&T"…
Grandchildren are the second chance we get to correct our parenting mistakes and simply celebrate. I'm gonna take a cue from my grandboys and just enjoy the noise and toys this week. Of course, God doesn't have any parenting mistakes to correct, and he sure knows how to enjoy the grandkids. Zechariah 1 Zechariah was…
There are some dreams I've waked up from feeling euphoric about, but when I've tried to share them, I'm suddenly at a loss for words. The dream's details disappear from memory like mist, and what's left is a profound sense of something more wonderful than I can tell. That's something like what I'm feeling after…
When I was young, I wrote in a diary that had a lock and key, but I never actually used the key to lock it. I always wanted someone to pick it up and read it, but I don't think anyone ever did. Goodness knows, I always read everything I came across, locked or not.…
May-May was the 8th grader I idolized. A grade ahead of us, she was popular and pretty, but her appeal went beyond these things for me. When I was odd-girl-out in a misunderstanding among seventh grade friends, May-May got wind of it and took me in. She couldn't mend the division, but she bolstered me…
I asked my mother where babies came from in second grade, and she told me more than I was ready to hear. I wish she'd said what Mrs. Potts told Chip, "I'll tell you when you're older." This is how wise mama's put off giving answers to questions the asker's not ready for. There's information…
Sometimes it's hard to sit down and write. I was reluctant today, not because I don't want to sit down with God's words, but because I'm afraid I'm inadequate to keep writing about them on this blog. Because the truth is, I am inadequate, and rather than believe that God can use inadequate people, I…
I kept grandkids yesterday. It was a full day of play and snacks, a day that flew by so fast, I felt whiplashed when they were scooped up and carried home at last. One-year-old Rafe is teething and had fever, his usual standoffish self melting in my arms most of the day. It was a…
What do we do when we've fallen flat and need to get up and just can't? Yesterday's post was about turning to God and his generous response of help in even "repaying the years the locust has eaten" as seen in the book of Joel. Today's post is a story of repentance from Luke. Repentance…
I can get stuck in shame for the things I failed to do as a mama--or did that I wish I hadn't. But Athaliah comes along and sets the lowest mama bar I've ever seen. She was the wicked queen who murdered her own grandchildren to keep them from taking the throne she stole from…
It's enough to make me wonder if I have a strange variant of bipolar disorder. As a parent, I've felt completely furious with my disobedient teenagers while at the same time felt overwhelming compassion for them. I've been angry for their stupidity in making bad choices and yet tender hearted for their suffering of those…
Babies and children used to wake me in the middle of the night, and after that, teenagers coming in late, but now getting up for the bathroom does. Once I'm awake, it's hard to get back to sleep. And then there are the unexplained wake up calls, the ones that wake me from sound sleep…
I've been on the search for something all my life. I used to look for hidden Christmas presents beginning this time of year. There were the standard spots my mother favored, under the beds and in the backs of closets. But as I got older, she had to try harder to find places I wouldn't…
The right sauce can perk up otherwise marginal food. My grandboys are nuts about tater tots as long as there's a big squirt of ketchup beside them. Today's tidings aren't altogether joyful, so I'm giving you the spoonful of sugar up front to help the medicine go down. Turns out, it's quite a lot of…
My father was a large man. It was hard for him to find clothes that fit. But my feet fit right on top of his as we waltzed with the Big Bands on his HiFi. When I was afraid, his hand was the perfect size for mine. There's something wonderful about having a father so…
Imagine if mental telepathy were a real thing for the average Joe and his mama. Why, she could simply think up a reminder to feed the dog or bring in grocery bags instead of having to nag. Daniel 9-11:1 For all of the technology of our day, there's no iThink on the market as far…
I sang Frank Sinatra's "Makin' Whoopee" to guests at my parents' dinner party when I was two. I didn't understand why they were so delighted, but I was happy to sing it again and again when they prompted me. I stored that detail in my memories of things to ponder, and when I was 12,…
It's the scary times I remember in life, like when I was seven and got locked outside in the cold dark. It's easy to forget what came next--the relief I felt when I was brought back in, the happy tears, the hot chocolate with marshmallows plopped down in my lap. We tend to remember what's…
Think of your most humbling moment. Now think of telling it as your most defining moment on national news and social media. This is what happens in the story today, only the main character's experience of his humiliation-turned-triumph gives the glory to someone else, not himself. Only God could produce such an about-face. Daniel 4…
By coincidence--or maybe not--the story today involves talking turkey about who God is and isn't. It was that second piece of Derby pie that has me wondering--who is God for me, really? Because it's more than bellies that God wants to honor him: it's hearts and minds, too. Daniel 2:24-3:30 King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon has…
It's hard to wait for the end in a story you've invested a lot of time and energy keeping up with. It's hard trusting that everything will work out the way you want it to, especially when the story is yours. And that's just the thing that comes along today: whose story is it? Daniel…
An extra large belly in a bikini unveils a lot of confidence, along with a lot of body in so little space. My bikini days are long gone, but I'm feeling something of that same dilemma. I've got a lot here to cram into what I fear is too little time—both yours and mine. What…
Ever felt the dread of disappointing someone, like a good friend or your kids? The gift you'd planned to give, the one you thought you had in the bag, turned out to be a dud, and you didn't have a back up plan. Ezekiel 45-46 That's where I am this morning. I've got to admit--I'm…
Who reads instruction manuals anymore? Though they're tucked inside the box with the new scooter or computer, we figure out how to use our toy upgrade without them. The replacement item is familiar, after all, and a lot like the one we already have. But a brand new hover board or MacBook? We might need…
Have you ever gone somewhere you had no desire to go, only to find that once you got there, this was exactly where you most wanted to be? That's what I'm hoping I'll find at the end of Ezekiel today, because here on the front end, I'm feeling just the opposite. Ezekiel 40-41 God gives…
How do you spell "relief"? P. L. A. N. When there's a plan in place, I can relax. Yesterday, I texted my girls to find out what they'll bring for Thanksgiving dinner. Not planning in the past has left us doing a lot of last minute cooking the day of, but this year, I thought…
Divorce as a strategy for renewing marriage? National failure turned into worldwide blessing? I wouldn't lay odds, but God would. Only he could pull off something like this. But it shouldn't surprise anyone. He's been doing the impossible since Genesis 1. Ezekiel 36-37 The backstory is this: God's bride, the nation of Judah, has been…
Life after divorce is messy, and it can look a lot like life before. There can still be fights about money and the kids. Divorce isn't part-of-happily ever after. Divorce puts an end to even a hope of it. But God must not have read the rulebook. He was married to the adulterous nation of…
You can learn a lot eavesdropping. You can learn what folks believe about others, about themselves, about you. God eavesdrops, too. In Ezekiel 33-34, we get the insider's scoop on what he hears from his people and what he has to say in response. Ezekiel 33-34 God tells Ezekiel what he's overheard from his people,…
Just like you, I'm looking for love. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: I'm not particularly interested in Jewish history or ancient prophecy or dry theology or the politics behind the rise and fall of nations. I'm an English major who loves words, not necessarily academia. So why do I keep writing…
I once heard that an enemy of mine fell face first in a firepit, and my first instinct was to feel glad. I’m not proud of my depravity, but it does help me understand why ancient Tyre rejoiced when their economic rival, Judah, fell, “Now that she lies in ruins, I will prosper! The gate…
When she was little, my daughter frequently asked, "When will we get to the good part?” when we watched Disney movies. She'd get worn out waiting through all the plot twists to get to the reason she sat down to watch the movie in the first place: to see the wedding at the end, when…
So much for the love of pants. This may be the raunchiest chapter in the whole Bible for its graphic description of idolatry as an insatiable lust for power and sex and how it enslaves and eventually destroys us. In chapter 23, Ezekiel tells the stories of Oholah and Oholibah, sisters who are unfaithful in…
As soon as the third verse, I'm having trouble with what I read, "I am against you. I will draw my sword from its scabbard and cut off from you both the righteous and the wicked. Because I am going to cut off the righteous and the wicked, my sword will be unsheathed against everyone…
A child who wants candy will ask her father for it if her mother has already said no. She's looking for the answer she wants to hear. Ezekiel 20 In the same way, the elders of the exiles come to Ezekiel again to "inquire of the Lord" to ask him what they should do--even though…
I was a secret smoker in high school. My friends knew it, but I hid it from my family. My reasoning was that since my father and grandmother smoked secretly, it was in my genes, and I just couldn’t help myself. But the truth was, the cool kids in my high school smoked, and I…
A majestic eagle with powerful wings and exotic plumage breaks off the top of a cedar tree and plants it in a city of merchants. He takes some of the seeds of the land and plants them beside abundant water. A vine grows up from the seeds and begins to take root and thrive. Its…
The wood of a vine isn't useful. If a vine isn't fruitful, it's wood isn't harvested for making anything else--not even a peg to hold up a coat. It's only good for burning. This is the analogy God gives Ezekiel to describe his people. They have no fruit, and their wood is worthless. All they're…
Ezekiel 12-14:11 Ezekiel has shared his visions of God with the exiles in Babylon where he lives. Evidently they didn't get the message God intended, which was to repent for their idolatry. The people want more information--different information--than what Ezekiel's shared. So the elders come to see him to "inquire of the Lord," 14:1-3. Rather…
Ezekiel 9-11:25 Ezekiel tells the rest of his third vision, begun in chapter 8 yesterday. While Jeremiah and Lamentations gave us peeks into what the judgment of Jerusalem would be like from the people's perspective, here we get a behind-the-scenes look at what will happen from God's perspective. God's just shown Ezekiel four places of…
Ezekiel 7-8 [God, this passage is daunting. I'm afraid I won't have anything insightful to say about it. I don't pretend to be a Bible scholar. I'm just an ordinary person. Will you open your word to my heart and my heart to your word? Forgive me for the pride of feeling like I need…
Ezekiel 3:16-6 God appears to Ezekiel again, as he had by the Kebar River, in all his glory. Ezekiel falls facedown and the Spirit enters him and raises him to his feet, just as before. God tells him to act out a number of scenes in front of his people as illustrations of his judgment.…
Ezekiel 1-3:15 I'm having trouble sitting down. Already I've had 4 cups of coffee and edited my last post 19 times. I recheck my stats. Only two reads so far, and neither all the way through. It must need more editing. But yesterday's post isn’t what’s really bothering me--it's today's. Hebrews is daunting enough. But…
Lamentations 4-5:22 Jeremiah opens these last two chapters with a montage of video clips piled one on top of the other, the way a movie shows scenes of daily life in the city where it takes place. But these aren't happy shots of contented family life in a thriving economy. They are scenes from the…
Lamentations 2:20-3 I don't know anyone, anywhere, at any time who has described their suffering while hanging onto faith in God more eloquently and heartbreakingly than here. For all Job's pain and suffering, he doesn't come close in his 42 chapters to what Jeremiah writes here in these verses of Lamentations. Because the text is…
Lamentations 1-2:19 The book of Lamentations is the record of the suffering of God's people because of the fall of Judah and Jerusalem to Babylon in 587 BC. Today's passage tells how the city and its people experience God's judgment because of their rebellion against him. Jeremiah describes his own pain, too. He writes in…
Jeremiah 51:54-52:34 So far, we've been working through the recorded history of the downfall of Judah by Babylon and the prophecy of Babylon's future overthrow from the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah's words in chapter 51 end with a flashback story of an event that happened *55 years before the fall of Babylon and 7 years…
Jeremiah 51 This next to last chapter of Jeremiah describes more of Babylon's fall. Though its sins are many, God says it's because of its brutality to his people that Babylon will be destroyed. "Before your eyes I will repay Babylon and all who live in Babylonia for all the wrong they have done in…
Jeremiah 49:23-50:46 Beginning in chapter 50, God foretells the fall of Babylon, a fall that will be so loud it will make the "earth tremble" and be heard among the nations. He describes Babylon as a "rich pastureland" and himself as a lion coming up from the thickets to feed. No one will be able…
Jeremiah 48-49:22 God has already brought judgment on his people in Judah. Here, God pronounces judgment against Judah's neighbors, those who have been enemies from the days of Moses until the time of Jeremiah. Beginning with chapter 46 til chapter 51, this section of judgments is thought to have been circulated separately from the rest…
Jeremiah 42-44:23 A lot has happened, so here's the backstory from Jeremiah 41: Gedaliah, the man chosen to govern Judah by Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon, has been assassinated along with the rest of his men in Mizpah by a band of rogues. They are led by Ishmael, who is backed by the Ammonites. Mizpah was chosen…
Jeremiah 39-41 Babylon's army comes back to Jerusalem, just as Jeremiah has said. They lay siege to it for a year and a half before breaking through the wall and taking over. King Zedekiah of Judah and all his soldiers flee in the night, trying to get away, but they're overtaken, 39:1-4. Elsewhere we learn…
Jeremiah 37-38 It's about fifteen years later. Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, has come a second time and taken away captives from Judah. Jehoiakim's son, Jehoachin, held the throne for a few months but was captured and taken to Babylon. He was replaced by his father's brother, Zedekiah, another son of the good king, Josiah. The…
Jeremiah 35-36 God tells Jeremiah to write down all the words God’s given him in a scroll, from the time he first began speaking to him until the present day. God’s motive is clear: he hopes his people will hear them and repent, “‘Perhaps when the people of Judah hear about every disaster I plan…
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